As you leave the path of readiness you then find yourself on the path of hurting. Being in a grieving situation hurts and there is simply no way around this path. You must face the path of pain and experience it fully because there are not shortcuts around it. I assure you that it is part of the healing process and getting you closer to the exit of this maze of grief you are currently in. You are not alone as many have trod this path before you and many will follow after you. Unfortunately there is no fast way along this path and the length of the path varies for each individual person. Christ is with you all the way and He does not allow you to experience more pain than you can handle so take comfort in His presence.
The next path around the maze is that of expression. This is the path where you need to express your pain and grief, don't under any circumstances try to suppress it because it is extremely counterproductive not to mention being harmful to you. Many times I see men trying to wear the "macho" attitude of not expressing pain thinking it is a sign of weakness. Women also tend to try this but not as often. Express your pain to someone close to you like a sibling or friend. Many times it requires setting up a support system at the last moment to complete this part of your journey through the maze to wellness and it usually is not an easy path but a necessary one. Often well meaning friends or relatives will try to find you a shortcut across this path but there is none. If you look at the material on the other pages here you will find how to find a support group to help you through this part of the way out.
When you enter upon this next path you may feel as though you are going backwards but again I assure you that you are continuing along the correct path to your way out of this grief maze. You are now on the path of re-evaluating yourself and your feelings and taking a new assessment of yourself and where you are going. It is common to feel that you are not going to survive the experience long enough to find your way out of this maze and that is also normal but be prepared to recognize this when it happens. As you begin to go down this path re-evaluating where you are and where you are going you will even find yourself laughing at the situation and feeling guilty about feeling so good and that also is normal for people in grief but don't succumb to the guilt. Soon the days will go by one at a time when you do not even think about the pain and that is a sign that you are almost to the last path out of your grief maze so take heart.
As you traverse along the path above you will then come to the last path out of this maze, you can now even see the exit ahead. This is the path of redefining who you are and where you are going. You will need to learn to live with this so don't be in a rush just because the exit is now near, it is a totally new experience for you. It is here on this final path that you will learn how to take back all of that energy expended in reliving the grief and the pain of it and channeling that energy into the new you. You will as you slowly traverse this final path discover new ways to reinvest that emotional energy into constructive feelings about yourself and where you are going. Take it slow and don't let well-meaning friends or relative dissuade you from your path out of this maze. Their support was needed at a time on some of the paths that brought you here near the exit and be thankful for them but now you are in control yourself, as you should be.
There are no shortcuts out of your grief maze and there are many detours with dead ends to be avoided if possible, it takes time. Some of the detours out leading to dead ends will take you back through the initial shock, the denial of it happening to you and the feeling of total despair and helplessness. That can and does happen so watch for it and if you do find yourself on one of these paths back up to where you departed and get back on the path out.
Some of these detours leading to dead ends can be very dangerous making you withdrawn and bitter. Some will lead you into anger, depression and deep despair and these too are dangerous so again, be prepared to recognize them. If you find yourself here then you need to get to some professional help ASAP as you many now not be able to find your way out of this grief maze yourself.
However you find your way out of this grief maze you will be able to look back and see that you have learned much about yourself that you probably never knew about before. Once out of the maze you will find that you have a new depth to your character and a new image of yourself, which will prepare you to move on into the future.
How can you know if you need professional help?
Different people experience grief in different ways and not two are the same. There are however times when grief can become very complicated and difficult to guide yourself out of. Symptoms of grief tend to be the same with most people but the degree to which they are experienced is where the differences manifest themselves. Below is a list of symptoms of grief we all share in common however, if they intensify and become severe, risking your physical, emotional or spiritual well being, it is then time to get some professional assistance. This can come from your pastor if he is equipped by education and training for this or from a professional counselor. The American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) is a very good organization to begin with.
- Recurrent nightmares are also common as are "flashbacks" of memories of a deceased person or the intensity of any threatening situation. Intense feelings of anxiety and a need to tell someone the same story over many times. A preoccupation with the loss and circumstances of your loss for many months after it happened is another common symptom. It is common to idealize a deceased person or place them on a pedestal beyond what you would have if they were still alive. Feelings of aloneness or isolation where you are unable to talk to friends or family members about the details of your grief. During the grieving period while you are still within the grief maze it is common to loose interest in what used to be normal and routine activities like watching television or surfing the Internet. Feelings of guilt because you are one of the survivors are very common for most people. There are times when you may wish to die yourself to escape the maze of despair you are in more easily. Perhaps you have had some passing thoughts of suicide or experiencing ever having any kind of happiness again in the future. Many people experience violent outbursts as a release of pent up feelings and direct them at close friends or other loved ones including you own children. Recurrent memories of the occurrence of a death and how it happened or of other kinds of losses that interfere with your work, family life and often infringe into what should be your leisure time. Turning to drugs and alcohol use as an escape from the grief maze. Experience great difficulty feeling happy or felling that you are loved by anyone. Avoidance of any other relationships because you are afraid that person may also die and leave you back in this grief maze again. Sleep disturbance because of a fear that something else bad is about to happen. Severe faith withdrawal and avoidance of church or church members including a loss of your faith in God.
